The next time you notice you feel anxious, pause to ask yourself: “How do I know that I’m anxious?”
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Our emotions begin as physical sensations in the body. These sensations, paired with our thoughts, are quickly understood as emotions. This process usually happens subconsciously. But there are clear indicators of our anxiety in the body: the pace of the breath, amount of tension in the muscles, and heart rate.

However, when we feel anxious much of the time, it can become difficult to feel these things, even when we practice mindfulness. We become desensitized and anxiety just feels like “the new normal.” And if anxiety is very intense, it can feel like breathing or meditating does nothing to alleviate it.
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Can you relate?

What are emotions anyway? We spend a lot of time trying to categorize emotions into good and bad, get rid of the “bad” emotions, and increase the good stuff. More happiness, less sadness. No anger, all calmness.
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This can lead to a lot of stress and struggle. ​​We spent so much time and energy trying to get rid of our anxiety and fear, and yet it keeps finding its way back into our life. Like that arcade game Whac-A-Mole – you keep trying to push it all down, but our emotions keep popping up in other unexpected places. Except, unlike the game, there are no prizes, and the game doesn’t end.

Exhausting, right?
If you want to find a new way to relate to your emotions, try this on for size.

​One of the first things I do with each client I work with is help them identify their values.
 
Values are different than goals. They are the qualities that we live by in life. While goals are helpful to have (in therapy and in life), values are flexible and help us adapt to obstacles and setbacks along the way while still feeling like we are living a full and meaningful life.

​Have you ever tried to practice mindfulness in the middle of a panic attack?
 
For those who experience significant anxiety, the idea of being mindful when in the middle of a panic attack may seem a little absurd, and there is good reason for this. When we become severely anxious, our brain goes offline as a means of protecting itself. This is why people sometimes don’t remember details of traumatic events or dissociate when overwhelmed. Mindfulness is a skill that uses the mind, so it’s a tricky skill to use when the mind switches off in a state of significant stress.

​You sit down for your weekly session with your therapist. You take a deep breath and start to check in about your week, go over your between session therapy assignments, and shed some tears and some laughter for an hour. Feeling lighter, you thank your therapist and tell her you’ll see her next week. Then you close your laptop and get up from your sofa to make yourself a sandwich.
 
Wait, what?
 
That’s right. You just saw your therapist while sitting in your living room.

I’m sure you’ve heard this before. Or maybe you’ve even said it yourself, when someone drops that now trendy and overused word: mindfulness. “I’m not very good at mindfulness. I can’t meditate very well.”
 
Oh, trust me. I know this feeling too. I've had this thought. Many times.
 
That's why, when I talk to clients about mindfulness, I’ll be totally honest - I do it with hesitation. Mainly, because I know how misunderstood this powerful little word can be. So I want to break this word down and simplify it for you, so you can start experiencing the benefits of being present without hitting these pitfalls.

Oh, technology. It’s no secret that all the technological advances we’ve seen in our lifetime have taken a toll on our overall wellbeing. We are constantly distracted, addicted to games and social media, and feeling more and more disconnected in our lives. And yet, technology is here, and smart phones aren’t going anywhere. But this isn’t necessarily bad news.

The thing is, if we use our phones wisely, technology can actually be a huge asset to us.

For a long time I’ve been passionate about mindfully exploring the role technology can play in improving our mental health. For example, here in San Francisco, the first mental health hackathon recently took place, and I was honored to be there as a consultant to assist teams of brilliant designers manifest tech-based solutions to solve some of the most pressing mental health challenges facing society today (See here for more about the event and one of the teams I worked with that day).

One area where you can find some great mental health tools is in mobile apps. I use apps with my clients all the time, and it has been a game changer. Long gone are the caveman days where the only option was pen and paper worksheets and handouts that easily get lost in a notebook or under a stack of mail. My clients find using apps is a great way to stay engaged on their goals between sessions, and it gives me more real time data so we can make strides in our work together faster and more efficiently. Here are three apps that you can integrate into your psychotherapy that will level up your experience in the chair:

​“An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior.”  -Viktor Frankl
 
As a therapist who specializes in helping individuals heal from trauma and PTSD, I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard a client say something like, “I feel like I’m going crazy” or “Why can’t I just get over this? What is wrong with me?”

“So, I’m your depression. I’m that lost 'what the heck is the meaning of life' feeling we’ve been talking about."

A long, hesitant pause. “Okay.”

“Okay. So imagine there is a big hole between us - a big, endless void. And we’re on either side of it, in a tug of war.” I tug my end of the small rope I had handed to her earlier, when she signed on to try something a little different in therapy today. “It’s been going on as long as you can remember. This sadness pulls you in like a magnet. It’s pulling and pulling.” I keep gently tugging on the rope. “You’re exhausted, of course. Who wouldn’t be? So here you are, and you are tugging back, trying to gain the upper ground.” 

​You are sitting in the therapy chair. You have had this debilitating anxiety over presenting to your team at work for months. It is just getting worse. Every time it’s your turn to present, your heart races, you stumble through it, and find yourself having a panic attack later in the bathroom. It’s starting to impair your work performance and your boss has expressed concern over how anxious you seem around the office. You’ve had enough, and that’s why you are here. So your therapist is having you close your eyes and imagine yourself in the room, presenting to them. She’s teaching you some breathing exercises to try before you present, and some grounding exercises to do during it.
 
Then she says, now try all these things at work. But when it’s your turn to present again, you choke again, even after all that effort and planning. Your mind goes blank, and you can’t remember any of the skills you learned in therapy. What gives?